Embracing

A few days ago, Austin and I were both in awe that it has been almost a year since we had Adelyn. An entire year has passed. The phrase, "long days-short years" really has some truth to it.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned and am continuing to learn is to simply embrace whole-heartedly where I am at. To embrace that my life will not look like it used to be. Ever. My days, my time, and my plans are no longer about me. I think in the early months of motherhood I mourned this loss and struggled to feel like "myself" again. I whined and cried my way through the first few months until I just gave in and accepted that life has changed. I have changed. Our marriage has changed. My identity has changed. Once I got over my selfishness enough to consider embracing a new reality, something shifted. I can't explain it but something in me just embraced all the demands of motherhood and I chose to enjoy my days rather than get through them.

It's not just about embracing and accepting the big changes- it's about embracing the small ones as well. For example, Adelyn is an early bird. She is up at 6 a.m. every morning- almost to the minute. When I would wake up to her squeaks coming from the other room, I used to grow frustrated and grumpy at the fact that she was up so early and I was SOOO tired. I would lay in bed hoping she'd fall back asleep (never happened btw). After a few months of wishing she would just sleep a little longer and always being disappointed when I would see 6:02 on my watch, I chose to stop fighting the 6 a.m wake up and just embraced the fact that this is my new wakeup time. And guess what? Turns out that 6 a.m. isn't all that bad.

When I run into grandmas or older women, I see them light up at the sight of a baby. I can tell they miss being a mommy. They don't look at me and say, "Bless your heart,  you'll get through this..." They smile as if I'm enjoying every second of motherhood. They seem to have forgotten all the hardship and remember the sweet and precious moments. I've come to let this be a reminder: this is a season and it will be over too quickly. Only in this season of my life will I have a little one crawling around my feet, an infant chanting "hi" over and over again as she crawls around the house, a baby snuggling up before a nap, a toddler longing to just be held by mom or dad, the babbling of  "mum-mum-mum," or "dadadada," the continual wiping of little hands eager to touch everything. Only once. I would hate to wish this season away in hopes for an easier one. I want to embrace all of it and live fully in it.

Easier said than done but I'm learning. With each new challenge, I seem to have to go through the process of not fighting it but just accepting the hardship or frustration and living fully in it. One day at a time.