Fourth Trimester Thoughts

Heard of the 4th trimester? It's real. For mama and baby. And folks, it aint easy.

I think most of my friends and readers know this but I struggled with some unexpected baby blues for a while. Here's a blog post about it if you're curious.

While the major hormonal swings have subsided I still have my rough days. Many tearful phone calls have been made my mom, sister, and friends seeking consultation. I want to be a mom and I love my daughter but if I'm completely honest, there have been many moments where I have had the thought, "I don't want to do this!" or "What have I gotten myself into?!" It's hard to admit this because so many people think a new mother should be delighting in their newborn all day long.

However, when your precious newborn is keeping you up for hours at night, fussing for no apparent reason, won't nap even though you know they are extremely tired, it's hard not to have negative thoughts.

This morning was one of those mornings for me. Adelyn does a pretty good job sleeping in the night for the most part. However, for some reason she wanted to be up and fussing from 1am-4am last night. Despite 2 feedings in that time period. It was incredibly frustrating and I woke up discouraged and upset and dreading the day alone with her.

I had one of my oh-so-frequent meltdowns, cried on the phone with my mom, cried it out and prayed together with Austin and finally sucked it up and got on with my day.

Even though the "baby-blues" are a thing of the past, I still am feeling the affects of having an infant.

It's hard.

It's really hard.

I have had to die to myself in every way possible. I have had every source of comfort and security stripped from me leaving me totally dependent on God to get me through the tough moments. I've been told over and over again that it gets better. And I believe that. But today, in this moment, it's hard.

I thought this blog post from Passionate Homemaking was super helpful to read. It contains loads of practical tips for after you come home with your baby.